Should You Argue With Your Racist Uncle During Dinner?

The holiday season is slowly creeping up on us, and soon we’ll be spending time with our family (well, most of us at least). Last year was hectic with COVID-19 going around, but hopefully this year things will be more typical. You might be seeing family that you haven’t seen in a long time, perhaps not since the start of the pandemic. Maybe you need to relearn how to interact with them, I know sometimes it feels like I need to. Do you hug? Maybe? But you know that your great uncle isn’t vaccinated, so perhaps don’t hug so he doesn’t feel left out? Will grandma mind fist bumping instead? It feels like there’s more unspoken rules and complications this year compared to years prior. Well, I guess there’s not much that is more complicated than teaching grandpa how to use Zoom during Christmas dinner. That’s besides the point. This is the year to reunite (safely) with your family. With everything that’s happened politically in the past almost two year, there’s a lot to catch up on. A little too much if you ask me. 

So the question is: should you engage in an argument with your family about politics during holiday dinner? 

Honestly, I think that this question is hard to answer in one blanket statement. One factor is the family dynamic, some are very loving while others are awkward. A second factor is that people have different personalities, some can speak their mind while others fear being ostracized. A third factor is how close you are to a specific individual, can you openly joke with them or do you speak once a year. 

In my family, I personally do not engage when politics are brought up. For one, they have some hardcore political beliefs, and no matter what I say it won’t change thier mind. They’ve lived for decades with these political beliefs, and one night can’t reverse that. There’s no point in saying that what an uncle said is racist or sexist because they will have the full support of the other aunts and uncles behind him. If I were to engage and call him out, it would create a hostile environment on a day that is supposed to be festive. But maybe it’s just because I don’t have the heart to confront them. Nevermind, just remembered that some of them are on the edge of extremism. So in an effort to make myself feel better about myself, I’ll say the family dynamic factor makes it hard for me, personally, to engage. 

Even though I wouldn’t correct an uncle, I would definitely correct one of my cousins. There’s a different dynamic in play there. With them, we are all very comfortable with each other and are open to debate. My personality is different, I’m much more willing to say what’s on my mind. We talk on an almost daily basis, so we’re super close to one another. In an environment like this, it’s easier to talk about differing opinions or call out someone for being insensitive to an issue. One, I know that we can have a productive conversation. Two, I know that it won’t ruin our relationship and we’ll go back to joking in a couple minutes. 

If someone makes a comment that you’re uncomfortable with, I think one of the best ways to deal with it is by defusing the situation in a way that wouldn’t embarrass the other party. Instead of bluntly calling the other person a racist and embarrassing them (no matter how much they deserve it), try redirecting the conversation to a topic that’s less polarizing. Embarrassment can lead to future resentment and create an awkward atmosphere for the rest of the night. It doesn’t really matter at a party where you’ll never see them again (in that case make sure you leave them speechless). In a family party setting though, it might be better to be more cautious and thoughtful on how to approach the situation. You can always talk to someone individually, away from the crowd, about why their joke is hurtful or inappropriate.

In some extreme cases though, I think that it would be worth it to leave the situation. If you feel personally attacked by a statement, then stand up for yourself. Put your foot down and create clear boundaries that are not to be crossed. No one should have to put up with verbal abuse for the sake of not wanting to create an awkward environment. 

Even though this is an opinion piece, I hope that you guys could take something away from this. I wish you the best of luck during this year’s holiday dinner. Here’s to (hopefully) no ruined family relationships.