Hot Take: I’m Fine With Not Dating Before Marriage

“No dating before marriage” is a statement many Indian parents have told their children. I was raised with these values, but I’ve never disagreed with them. Don’t get me wrong—I have had crushes and romantic interests—but the values I have inherited from my parents have just been stronger. When I was younger I adopted this value without questioning it, but as I grew older my reasons behind these values grew stronger.  

In Hindu culture marriages are usually arranged, where the potential bride and groom’s parents set up a “date” where the families see if the potential spouses like each other. After that a religious engagement ceremony is held and an auspicious date is chosen for the couple. This engagement period is the closest thing to what can be considered “dating”. 

I personally support this model because my parents are probably the people who know me the most besides myself and would know what type of person would most likely match my values. This is important to me because matching values are key to raising a family and creating a household.  

This reason behind my personal value of “no dating before marriage” comes from me rather than my parents. I don’t feel that I have matured enough to be in a relationship and to be honest I feel the same regarding my peers at my age group. I think I will be mature enough for relationships once I finish my undergraduate career. I would be able to provide for a future fiancée/wife once I have a degree and would be able to be financially independent from my parents. It is also the sweet spot in my development. My brain will be at the point where it is still developing, but nearing the point where it will be fully developed. I believe that this means that this time would be ideal for a relationship.

I know I could just start dating at this time, but I endorse not dating before marriage because I believe that relationships are commitments that should be taken seriously just like friendships. As technology becomes more prevalent, globalization has spread the American dating culture to Indian Americans and my opinion becomes more in the minority. More Indian Americans have started dating and using dating apps than ever before. I don’t think I will change my opinion anytime soon.