A Mother-Daughter’s Unbreakable Bond

For many, a mother is a role model, best friend, and pillar of strength for her daughter. A mother comforts her daughter during moments of weakness. A mother gives advice to her daughter on how to dress. A mother warns her daughter about boys. A mother, most importantly, loves her daughter unconditionally, as they emotionally understand their daughter the best. It is widely believed that the relationship between mothers and daughters is the strongest of all parent-child bonds, and although I disagreed with this belief for a long time, I now understand the truth.

My mother and I didn’t always get along well. Out of my family members, I fought against her the most. Growing up, I disliked how my mom would judge and critique the smallest imperfections. She had the sharpest eye in the world, and due to that, I could not get away with anything. My mom would scold me for dressing too “boyish,” complain about me for eating too much or too little, and nag me for not being smart enough. Disappointment was something both my brother and I feared constantly growing up, thanks to the immense amount of pressure our mom would put on us. I often compared my own mom with the moms of my white friends. Why didn’t I have a phone when all of my classmates did since elementary school? If they got to play every day during the summer, why was I inside doing homework assigned by my mom instead of enjoying my break? These comparisons made me jealous, angry, and even sad. I felt as if my mom wasn’t a “nice” or a “caring” mom like others.

As I entered my teenage years, the tension between my mother and I grew. I began to rebel against her orders. I started testing her limits by seeing how late I could be out without her noticing, how much I could spend without her complaining, etc. The more I rebelled, the more my mother became strict. She began putting screen time on all of my electronics, micromanaging my schedule after school, and criticizing how I dressed and acted. The disagreements we had concerning what was best for me only added to the tension and caused many fights to occur. I remember the many nights where she and I would fight, with us screaming at the top of our lungs about who was right and who was wrong. Out of all of them, the one that I remember the most was the night my mom and I fought about personal boundaries. I felt a flood of emotions, and something in me exploded. The words “I hate you” were spoken aloud for the first time towards my mother. The feelings of anger and resentment built over years and years were expressed in that one, small moment. I will never forget the expression on my mother’s face as those words spilled out. The expression she gave back was not anger nor shock; it was the expression of hopelessness. It was the hopelessness of communicating her concerns, the hopelessness of understanding mine, and the hopelessness of connecting with her daughter, who had just told her she hated her. She was heartbroken, and so was I.

My mother and I grew apart at the end of my high school years. Words were rarely spoken, and emotions were rarely displayed. Whenever we did speak, it was mainly her commanding me to do something. I felt distant with my own mother, who was someone I used to go to for advice on everything and who I thought understood me the most. I was hurt, but I didn’t do anything to fix our relationship because I didn’t understand her. I became more dependent on my dad during those times of hardship and relied on him to communicate between my mom and me. If I had something I needed to ask my mom, I would tell my dad to tell her, and vice versa. At that point, I thought there was no reason to mend our relationship because it seemed as if my mom didn’t care. It wasn’t until I moved away for college that I realized that wasn’t true at all.

During my first month away from home, I received numerous text messages from her, asking if I had eaten, slept enough, or if anything was bothering me. Sometimes, she would simply send pictures of our family cat. Sometimes, when out shopping, she would send pictures of random things and ask whether I needed anything sent. At first, I was hesitant to reply, but after a while, I opened up and began texting back. I vented to her about the classes I hated, told her about how awful the dining food was, and updated her on all the friends I made at school. Before I knew it, she and I had been talking for hours, catching up on small and big things in our lives with each other. That was when I knew that something was different about my mom, as if she had changed. I noticed we had become close again. The truth is, she never changed; she was simply waiting for me to accept her again.

As time goes by, I become more aware of the truth behind my mom. My mother, who always puts others before herself, is a loving and protective parent who wants the best for her children. All of the nagging, yelling, and fighting was her way of letting me know she cared. She cared about how I dressed because she didn’t want others to judge and say mean things. She cared about how I acted because she wanted me to blend in with others so I wouldn’t stand out. She cared about my academics because she wanted me to succeed so that I wouldn’t have to live paycheck to paycheck like she did. All this time, my mother was looking out for me in many different ways. Asian parents are notorious for having difficulty expressing their love to their children, and my own parents are no exception. However, just because they struggle doesn’t mean they don’t let their children know they love them; instead, they express love in hidden ways.

I love my mom despite our harsh upbringing, and I am so thankful for everything she has done for me. Although I may not fully understand my mom and we still have moments of disagreement, I now know that her words and actions come from a special place in her heart. All I needed was time away from home to realize how much my mother meant to me and how much I relied on her. While our relationship is not picture perfect and may never be, our bond is and will always be unbreakable.